Down the Rabbit Hole Once More!

My mother tends to be cruel in her dementia-laden madness. As her mother was towards her, my mother is towards me. She learned that lesson well. Meanness and anger pour from her because of situations that have absolutely nothing to do with me. Whenever things that she cannot control or responsibilities that she cannot handle present themselves in her life, she lashes out at me. I can only hope that I am unlike her enough that my own children will not have to deal with an angry, nasty old bitch when I am her age. I pray that I age gracefully and with kindness and love in my heart for those who care for me, or die before I become a difficult burden for my own children.

Yesterday morning, for example, she called me on the phone, told me she thought I was becoming rather odd and that she no longer trusts me. Then, said goodbye and hung up the phone. Needless to say, I just sat there in shock, in all likelihood with my mouth hanging open, followed by a whole day and night of confusion and heartache. Odd? What does that mean? What did she dream that I did to her this time? The day before, as often happens in these cases, all was well, and she was just fine.

Is it all about money again? Does she think I am trying to steal all her “vast” riches again? Seriously? Is she angry because she has to pay me to manage her properties? Would she rather pay someone else since she is incompetent and has no business managing anything whatsoever? I don’t want her f*ing money, but NOBODY works for free. Why should I work for nothing, especially given how much effort it takes to deal with such a difficult person?!?

Perhaps it is about her driver’s license? Is it because the driver’s license department has told her she must pass their exam or lose the license? Everyone, except for my mother herself, knows that she should not be driving. The woman CAN NOT see the road! Is it because of the dental work that she needs and will cost her a little money? Is it because of the laws that changed so that her final documents need to be updated again? Hence, MONEY?!? GOOD LORD! I WISH I KNEW!!

So, here I am, once again, hurt by her words, utterly confused and writing for catharsis. I’m unable to come to terms with what is going on because it is all in her head. She wantsconfused my sister but is stuck with me. The more I try to help her, the less she likes me and believes that I have some secret nefarious purpose regarding her or her damned money. Newsflash! Unlike other people, I do not have, nor have I ever had, a secret agenda. I don’t even know how to think like that! With me, you get what you see, nothing else.

At its core, my biggest problem here is that I cannot find a way to walk away and not care because she is my mother and has no one else around here who can or will help her for no other reason except that they are family. If my sister were here, I would walk out of my mother’s life again and give us both some relief from this insanity. I only wish I could. God, help me, I wish I could.

Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a comment

Talk to me, Baby!

The biggest complaint in real estate today is the lack of communication. Customer’s complain that when they call an agent, they can’t get a call back or there is no follow-up while working with their agent. As a fellow Realtor, I have run into these agents and fully understand why this is frustrating for our customers. Communication For example, last week I was showing a house to a buyer.  There were several questions regarding the house, such as the age of the roof and so on.  I tried to call the agent for information, not once, but twice but could not seem to get a call back.  The next day, when I tried to find this listing, the house was off the market.  The listing agent still has not returned my call, even to say that she had a contract.  Is this a case of being too busy or is it just plain rude?  From the caller’s side, it looks like a lack of manners.  So, to my fellow agents and anyone else who needs to hear this, just in case you never had phone etiquette training, or your parents never taught you this lesson, here it is:  When someone (anyone) calls you, if you can’t pick up the phone immediately, call them back.


Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a comment

Keeping up with necessary tech

In every business, technology is becoming a great concern.  In my business (real estate) for example, more and more of the contracts we work with are being transmitted to the interested parties and signed electronically.  It is part of my world, so I have to understand it.  Since I am educated to be a librarian, research is the answer to most questions.  I’ve been doing some, and thought that I should share what I am learning.  So, here are a couple of articles that might help both of us!

signing electronically

How to electronic sign a document:

How to fax online:



Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a comment

Today’s bit of idiocy!

hell is empty

I have owned and lived in my place for a number of years, so I was surprised to receive what appeared to be a check from the IRS in my mailbox that had my address but was not addressed to me. Being the kind of person I am, I thought I would do the right thing and return it directly to the IRS at their office at some point in my travels around town.

I put a stop to return the envelope on my agenda at the first opportunity, which turned out to be yesterday. I thought I would just stop by, give it a few minutes of my time and make sure it got back to the IRS directly. I thought I was just doing the right thing.

So, on my way between stops, I drove a little out of my way to the IRS office and hopped out to drop the envelope. I expected to move quickly to my next stop. But wait!! This is the IRS who says they are interested in customer service, but not so interested that they actually do any customer service, right?!? Right.

I disarmed and secured my firearm before I entered the building in order to get in and out without any hassles. I went into the office and stepped up to the receptionist. I quickly explained that I received this envelope in error and wished to return it to them. Instead of just taking the envelope and thanking me, the receptionist tells me she can’t take it and gives me a number.


I have to sit down and wait to talk to an IRS agent to return a piece of mail that they sent to me in error? Seriously?? And how long is the wait? Oh, only about 30 minutes, because, obviously, my time is not important. And me without a book and 30 minutes to waste! Of course, that makes a whole lot of sense, doesn’t it?  Sure!

Those of you, who know me, know exactly how I reacted! I was out of the building with the damned envelope, which I should have just left on the damned counter, with my mouth spewing all kinds of derogatory remarks about illogic and lack of customer service from the idiotic governmental agencies, etc.

The bottom line is that the next time I’m near a post office box, I’ll drop the envelope in the mail to be returned to sender and never bother to attempt to do the IRS a favor again.


Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a comment

Another Birthday!


It looks like I get to get another year older! Yeah!

This year, I am taking my mother to Ruskin to pick strawberries and maybe some other fresh food to celebrate the big day. In addition, we’ll be enjoying the free hydroponics class at 1pm. Check it out:

I am very grateful to be able to celebrate my birthday with my Mom this year, because I’m pretty sure I almost lost her last month. To understand it, you have to know a little bit about my mother. First, you have to know that she is an “off the boat” German who immigrated to North America in 1957. She comes with all the stubborn, hard-working attributes that you expect from a German immigrant. I hate to admit it, but I get much of those same attributes from her. Not only do I succeed when I set my mind to it, but I excel when it matters to me. Hence, my Honors BA and the Master’s degree.

But I digress!  Back to my mother. She is now 79 years old. Up until last week, when everyone she cared about was telling her to “do” something about her illness, she had not been to a doctor for over 25 years. She firmly believes that doctors are generally unnecessary as the body will heal itself and hospitals are evil places where sick people go to die and healthy people get sick. She is ok with natural and alternative medical practices but generally distains modern medicine.

So, last month she caught the creeping crap that was going around. You know the one that was putting some people in the hospital and killing others? In any case, she tried and tried to get rid of it until the morning she woke up unable to get a breath. She said she thought she was going to die. She was coughing constantly and was unable to get any rest or a full breath. She sounded like death, warmed over. Even my good chicken soup and two full bottles of brandy didn’t faze it! Finally, after my sister and I begged and pleaded, she agreed to see a doctor. She is on antibiotics for the first time in forever, so they are highly effective. It’s good news! She feels better and the cough is going away.





Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a comment


At this time of the year I tend to think about and remember universal rules that guide my life.  Of these, gratitude has become the most important.  If you haven’t read Rhonda Byrne’s book The Magic, go and borrow it from your local public library.  It might change your life.  My own copy is well-worn, underlined, notated and highlighted, just like my college textbooks.  I like it so much that I have given this book as a gift.

Recently, I have been trying to adopt a philosophy that simply says, “expect nothing, appreciate everything”.   It’s simple, but it’s not easy.  Over the past year, as you may know, my life has changed dramatically.   I, like you, have hit those crazy times that make me just shake my head and wonder how I ever managed to get into any particular situation. You know, those points on the road when things don’t seem to be going your way and frustration rules?  I don’t know what you do, but I think, and I mull, and I drive myself nuts until I remember to write and let it all flow out through my fingers.  I am grateful for my ability to write.  Sometimes the written rant is like a dip into a calm ocean on a warm night in August.  If you live near the water, you understand this.

Deepak Chopra gratitude

As Deepak Chopra explains, there is a power in gratitude that opens the human mind and heart allowing positive energy to flow.  It just makes me feel good.  When I feel good, I can do more and be more and give more, which makes me even more grateful.  It is an upward cycle that combats so many negatives!  Basically, what you give in this life is what you get. I have always found that the more thankful I am for what I have, the more I receive. So, I strive to live a life of gratitude, and I find that I am on the path to life of abundance.


Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged , | Leave a comment

My neighbors are driving me nuts!

Before I bought my home, I took the time to drive by both day and night to be sure that the neighborhood was quiet.  At that time, I was sick of the stress of living in a busy area with lots of traffic and loud people.  I am a very light sleeper and must have dark and quiet to sleep well.  If I do not sleep well, I am VERY grumpy.  Kinda like this guy:

grumpy cat

I will state that normally, when the weather is too hot or too cold or it’s raining, things are very quiet and I can usually sleep without any of that dreaded, knock-out melatonin.  Well, here come the Holidays and our weather is the reason that most of us moved here in the first place!  Cool and pleasant at night, warm and sunny in the day.  Perfection!  So, in come the visitors and out come the neighbors. I will say that most of my neighbors are very reasonable human beings who are aware of their surroundings and the fact that they have neighbors.  They shut things down by 11 o’clock so that everyone can get some sleep, and everyone can continue to get along. They don’t unduly disturb the neighborhood.

However, there is always one, isn’t there? It may be a generational thing, but I hope that what I am getting now is not payback for being uncaring and obnoxious in my youth, as these neighbors are now. If it is payback for the same kind of behaviour in my own past, then I am truly sorry for whomever had to put up with me!  On the other hand, if someone had asked me to understand that my noise was waking them and be quiet, I think I am the kind of person who would have been reasonable and toned it down or moved myself away so that I wasn’t directly under their bedroom caterwauling after the bars closed.  My neighbors are exactly the opposite.  To say that they are self-centered and uncaring is putting it mildly.  The last time I asked them to be quiet because they were waking me up at 2 or 3 am, they were amused and got louder until other neighbors started complaining.  It was to the point where one Saturday night they were completely drunk and stood in the alley in front of my garage directly below my bedroom windows and started bellowing stupidity at me in the form of drunken singing and laughing.  Seriously?  Why do people think it is ok to behave like that?  Well, that was last year.  The visitors went home, and I caught up on my sleep.

Fast forward…

This past week two carloads of visitors from up north, one Wyoming plate and one Illinois plate arrived and parked in the usual spots my neighbors designate for their visitors, in the alley, across from my place.  Last night, they all headed downtown to join the usual Gulfport festivities.  Somehow I knew what was coming, but I still try to hope for the best.  By 3 o’clock  they were back and fighting with each other.  Great!  I find it hard to imagine that they can even communicate, given the fact that fifty percent of their vocabulary consists of “like” and “f***”.  Unfortunately, I had the unmitigated gall to dare to try to leave my windows open and enjoy the fresh air while I slept.  I have some nerve to dare such outlandish behaviour, don’t I?  They finally quieted down just before dawn at around 5 o’clock and now one of them is sleeping in one of the cars.  Perhaps I should make sure to honk very loudly directly at them on my out this morning…?  No, I may be grumpy, but I don’t need any more bad karma!



Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a comment