So, I’ve been selling houses for a few months and have set up a blog just for that here: http://barbaraworks4u.blogspot.com/. I find it extremely cathartic to write about my experiences, thereby sharing knowledge with the world, in general. In the case of this blog, it’s more personal and a place to throw thoughts, ideas and other things that cause that dreaded stuff we all hate: insomnia. For me, blogging is similar to the purging that you can get when you have a sit-down over an awesome cup of coffee with a good friend and get all off it your chest! So, dear friend, if you continue reading, you have my gratitude. If you respond to my blogging, even more so.
Several items on my plate are driving me a little crazy lately and keeping me up at night, unless I take some melatonin, of course. I don’t know about you, but that stuff just knocks me OUT!
in any case…
I want to preface this by saying that growing up, I was “Daddy’s Girl” and knew all my life that I was not the favored daughter in my mother’s eyes. I’m empathic. If you are, too, you understand. I also want to note that my sister knew for many years that it was going to be her obligation to care for our mother in her old age because she and our mother have always been close. Although I am working on my feelings in this matter, I continue to resent the fact that she moved eight hours away and left our failing mother here in my care. I feel that my sister took advantage of my inherent kindness and did what she thought she had to do to get me and our mother talking again just so that she would not have to feel guilty leaving our mother alone. I feel hurt and used, but, as I said, I’m working on it. My mother and I clash…always have, probably always will. It is VERY stressful for both of us. So, you are welcome to take my point of view with a grain of salt. As a matter of course, I recommend it, but this is my forum, so I’m going to spew. I very much appreciate your indulgence.
At the end of this year, my mother is not going to renew my property management contract with her. I find this sad and frustrating because I know, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that my mother is becoming more incompetent every day. It’s not that I haven’t done a good job and fixed the OH-MY-GOD WHAT A HUGE mess she handed me when I took over (again) this year. It’s ALL about money for her, always has been. The problem is that she stubbornly refuses to accept the fact that, as my sister said, “she has no business running a business”. She is of the WWII generation, and if you have dealt with many of them at any time, you will understand. Because they were poor in their youth and subjected to the war, even if they are rolling in cash, they NEVER have enough money. They are very avaricious and look to money to make them feel secure. It’s a life-long habit, and as frustrating as it may be for me, there is no changing it for her. Many of them have a hard time being grateful for anything in their lives except for cash. So, there is an expectation that I should work for free for the possibility that at some point I might inherit something after she dies and no longer is grasping at every dime. Yeah, right. I’m not holding my breath, folks! And by the way, she thinks I’m lying when I tell her I don’t give a damn about her money. It’s sad, from my prospective, to be so misunderstood by my own mother.
For me, even though my mother expresses resentment for having to pay me and then turns around and denies it, it’s not just about money, but I can’t afford to work for free, either. My mother is suffering from a wide range of physical and mental deterioration because she is almost seventy-nine years old and has a bad heart. Just because she has not been officially diagnosed (nor will she be if she has anything to say about it) it does not mean that the disease does not exist. It’s in her genes. Her own mother didn’t know any of us for several years at the end of her life. Also, having cared for my in-laws for 15 years, I can see the same signs of confusion, memory loss, painful headaches and so forth in my mother that my mother-in-law showed. My mother-in-law was diagnosed with a mix of Alzheimer’s and dementia. Almost every day these days, my mother is, as she says “sick”. She has a very hard time communicating, remembering what she said or did not say and blames everyone else for not understanding what she wants, even when no one knows what she wants. She also loses important things like tenant files and rent checks. She is afraid of things (like lawsuits) that happen to her because she can’t remember what she did. Half of what she “remembers” is something she made up or maybe dreamt about. And, still, she cannot acknowledge that anything untoward is happening to her mind. We know this all comes from her heart because that much has been diagnosed. And of course, we all know that blood flow has a direct effect on brain function. The problem is that she sees absolutely nothing wrong with the way she thinks or functions while the rest of the world just looks at her then tells me they are glad that I am managing her property.
So there you have it. I am dealing with the same problems that many in my generation are currently dealing with in failing and frustrated parents and a lack of support. I wish it were not so, because I have been dealing with failing parents for a very long time. I am angry, frustrated, and feel plagued by matters that are beyond me to handle at this point. So, I’m blogging and trying to find the strength to deal with things.